Waist train, lose gains

Recently, I was having a conversation with a friend who told me she has bought a ‘waist trainer’. To those of you that don’t know what this is, it’s essentially a corset which is supposed to serve the purpose of giving you a smaller waist. If you remember Keira Knightly in Pirates of the Caribbean (I believe it was the first one) fainting due to her excessively tightly laced top, you have the right idea. Khloe Kardashian recently uploaded an Instagram of herself wearing her waist trainer, an idea she apparently got from the seriously bizarre Blac Chyna (Tyga’s baby momma aka the only woman with a faker ass than Nicki Minaj).

 

 

It is becoming increasingly unavoidable to check your social media site of choice whether that be Pintrest, Twitter or Instagram without multiple accounts or photos coming up of girls who look like they are straight up from a Drake video. Everyone is obsessed with asses and getting a curvy, hourglass figure, with butts bigger than planets and waists tinier than my little sisters wrists. The situation is fuelled further by image obsessed celebrities, particularly creepy rappers who appear to be solely motivated by women’s bottoms. (Jason Derulo is great, but ‘you know what to do with that BIG FAT BUTT? REALLY JASON?)  The world has gone curve crazy.

 

So when a friend of mine – who already has a body that makes Kim Ks look bad – told me that she had bought a ‘waist trainer’ corset, I was SO BAFFLED. ‘Doesn’t it hurt?’ I asked.

 

 ‘Kind of, I had to take it off the other night because it was so uncomfortable’, she replied. ‘It kind of feels like you can’t breathe’.

 

After she confirmed my suspicions, I decided to check out the hype further.

 

I literally cannot get my head around why anyone would do this to their body, if they had any idea of what it does to you. Corsets went out of fashion for a reason – they can literally kill you!

 

A waist trainer works something like this: crushing your ribcage and stomach slowly and rather uncomfortably so that your appetite and actual bones shrink down a few sizes. It’s so unnatural and wrong! If you were meant to have a tiny waist, you would have been born with a tiny waist. We have got to stop aspiring to be like these women who have bodies that are totally different to ours! Know your own body type and own it! And celebrities who know they have a huge influence on younger girls and their body image should be fucking ashamed to promote something which is so bad for you all in the name of vanity. They could be promoting healthy eating and working out, which would be a much more sensible message to put out there for young women and girls. But they’d much rather get their ten percent and instead show off a totally unhealthy and damaging piece of equipment all over the web, which effectively promotes laziness and not much else.

 

  – THIS IS SO BIZARRE 

What is the problem with going to the gym and putting in some work to reach your goals, please explain to me!! Shame on you, Khloe Kardashian! First it was workout rants and squat photos, which is all very well and good, but now this? Whyyyyyy!!

 

Much of me thinks this is part of a much wider issue which many people (particularly escorts on Instagram….bitch you ain’t no model….we know you’re selling pussy stop lying) seem to be affected by, which is basically laziness, aka paying for multiple surgery operations to make it look like they workout a fuckload but really don’t. It’s sad! Because if you do that, you’ll never actually get any of the benefits that you should from exercising, such as a stronger body, a happier and healthier mind, stress relief…the list goes on.

 

Also let’s be honest, does anyone want to look like Blac Chyna (or whatever she is called) when they’re 80? Unless you’re going to go into a weird kind of porn industry, I would vote no.

 There are plenty of examples of women who (literally) work their asses off to have small waists and amazing butts. These are the women to aspire to for this kind of training! My favourite people to follow on Instagram for these tips are:

@lyzabethlopez (she created @hourglassworkout and honestly her bod is just the best thing ever

@alexandrabring

@michellelewin

Also, if you get a chance, check out Brett Contreras, who has a page on Facebook, and a whole book on how to build your body and butt up, which I bought, and my ass is thankful!

 If waist trainers and corsets were beneficial to work out with, don’t you think you might have seen them in the gym or at sweaty betty? I think there’s kind of a reason they’re only sold on dodgy internet sites halfway across the world…

I think curves are amazing…I just don’t think they’re worth crushing your body to gain.

 

 

 

 

 

Topic of the week: Blowfish

This week’s blog is dedicated to the growing number of females in London town who have had their lips done. All of a sudden they appear to be everywhere – passing me on the street, creeping up behind me in Selfridges, all the sushi restaurants, at the fish counter in Waitrose….

  

What confuses me is not even so much the amount of girls getting their collagen fix, but the amount of girls getting EXACTLY the same trout pouts. Am I missing something here? Is there a doctor doing a 50 % off deal on lip injections? My initial response was to blame Kim K, who is also the perpetrator of the caterpillar eyebrows trend (FYI: colouring in your eyebrows so heavily it looks like you let your baby cousin loose with a brown crayon on your face is NOT CHIC, and you look more like a character of similarly NOT CHIC show The Valleys than an exotic member of the Kardashian clan). However, at least Kim’s many lip jobs don’t bear resemblance to a creature of the sea. My views on surgery are fairly open: whilst I do think that it can be an addictive process which only ends up making you more insecure as you strive for perfection which is unobtainable, it can look good if you have the right surgeon, who understands that less is more. But lip jobs baffle me.

 

It’s the whole concept behind why women get their lips done which I don’t understand. If you’ve had your trout pout done (it brings new meanings to the term plenty more fish in the sea…), it doesn’t make you special, because everyone else who sees Dr Lips is getting the same lips as you. When a man looks at your lip job, he is definitely not thinking, Oh, wow, her lips are amazing, I wonder what it would be like to kiss those lips. He is thinking about you kissing a region a little more southern. To put it bluntly, as I was told by a male: ‘They’re thinking about you sucking their dick’. (We can fuss all we want about men being so complicated, but they’re really quite simple: Me, My Dick and I, is the general life line).

 

 It’s also the rudest because half the time I feel like the people who have had their lips done are angry with me or sulking. Why do you look so unfriendly?

 

  My point is all of these women look exactly the same. They are paying good money to look like a TOWIE reject. Call me old fashioned, but surely beauty is about being unique and happy with yourself? How is something desirable if every other girl walking down Oxford street has it? I hate referencing this because it’s clearly subjective, but for arguments sake: Are the most ‘beautiful’ women in the world not successful because they posess something which is not really obtainable simply by nipping to the London Clinic in their lunch break?

 

To conclude, I am OVER IT. Most of these women also take all of the best Louboutin sizes and it’s pissing me off. Last year I bought a pair of lady peeps for £525 and a year later the price has been mysteriously upped to £695. The whole WAG look is far too accessible and getting tackier by the minute, ruining brands I once loved and upping prices by the second in an attempt to delay the situation. I can’t even buy a Hermes belt anymore, because I’ll look like an arsehole. In the words of Regina George: What is happening to the world?